Abby Sams

everyone knows that when people talk about "the fight" it's usually in reference to some sort of long or short-term battle. that battle could be any number of things, the flu, cancer, a breakup, a surgery, a tumor, you get the idea. this "fight" is something an individual goes through knowing that they will (hopefully) come out the other end of. they will beat it, win the fight, and move on. but what happens when the fight doesn't stop? it's so hard to put into words what a chronic illness is like which makes it even harder to explain to people who have never heard of such things especially since i tend to be rather jovial when explaining what my chronic illnesses are and what they do to me. my desire to make sure people aren't uncomfortable ends up masking how serious these illnesses are and therefore give those people an inaccurate idea of what i'm going through. so, let me lay it out for you plain and simple. i have a degenerative c...

hello humans, As per the usual, it has been a while since my last update. I really would encourage you to follow my Instagram and YouTube channel because I post on those platforms often with updates and what not. I wanted to address some things that I have been experiencing the past few months. First off, I am in a much different place than I was this time last year, regarding both the city I live in and my physical health. This time last year I could barely stand up. I was learning things about my body that I did not want to know. I was learning it had limitations I did not like. I was completely reliant on my arm crutches and my wheelchair, I rarely left my room because stairs were so incredibly hard for my body tackle. I felt like I was falling apart. And I was. Now, I live in a one-floor apartment in Athens with my lovely twin sister, but I am not better. I am happy to say that though I do not rely on my crutches or wheelchair to do simple things like making break...

So, I'm sure a lot of you have heard of the  #100happyday  tag thing. And while I absolutely love that hashtag and everything it stands for its just not right for me. With that being said I've decided to start the  #100InvisibleDays  tag to raise awareness for invisible illnesses that myself and many others deal with every day. It's impossible to be able to spot a disability or a chronic illness because most of the time they really are invisible. So, for the next 100 days, I will try to post every day to spread awareness for what chronic illness and disability really looks like. Today, it looks like a migraine in bed with the lights off. I was having a great morning minus the fact that my hashbrowns caught fire, and then bam- a migraine for the rest of the day. I can barely keep my eyes open it hurts so bad. I talk a lot about what I deal with but not nearly enough. Some may say that social media isn't a diary for me to spill my thoughts, and they're right. This...

To this end also we pray for you always, that our God will count you worthy of your calling, and fulfill every desire for goodness and the work of faith with power. 2 Thessalonians 1:11 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm not even going to go into detail about how the last two weeks of my life have been like but I can guarantee you they have been busy. My apartment flooded and we're trying to figure out where to live until it get's rebuilt (yes, I did write rebuilt, it's that bad), and I've got midterms as well as car troubles. That's all you get though because that's not what this post is about.  It seems like there are about a hundred natural disasters that have happened in the past month and it seems like they just keep coming and coming. Yet, here I am stuck and unable to help. I care so little about how my situations turn out right now because all I want to do is fl...

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in your hearts, and you will find rest for your souls." Matt. 11:28-30 "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." Matt. 4:4 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Struggling is one of my least favorite things in the world. It's a daily thing that is reflected in my mood and my posts for sure.  But it's hard to think straight when your brain is quite literally trying to tell you to remove your legs from your body because it doesn't realize that they're your legs. It's hard feeling to describe and I've spent the past two years of my life trying to concoct the perfect description for doctors and friends. It's something along the lines of a hot, tingly, melting feeling accompanie...

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's been a 'hurry up and wait' situation with these doctors. With all the phones calls, emails, college finals and blood works I'm trying to manage and keep up with I tend to get in a very Me Mentality. I'm calling about me . I'm doing this for me . Please stop putting me on hold for 3 hours. (not even kidding with that last one) I forget that these offices help a bunch of people going through a lot of stuff on a very regular basis. I was speaking with a friend from high school the other day. We honestly hadn't talked since junior year but got reconnected through the ever accessible internet. He's a marine, I'm in college. He's in Japan, I'm sitting on my bed. Yet, while we catch up on things I come to find out that his mom is not do...

"The Lord will fight for you, you only have to be still." Exodus 14:14 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I write today bringing more worldly bad news, but also eternal good news.  Recently I have had little to no fight left in me. I feel like fighting off pain and symptoms is easier when you don't have a diagnosis because you have that hope of a cure, the idea that if you appear less than okay your doctors will thin you're over exaggerating, the desire to keep pushing for answers.  Once you have a diagnosis, especially one like mine, it becomes harder. I thought it would be easier because I'd be able to push and fight while receiving treatment that could help me push and fight. When you have chronic illness you're conditioned to present your symptoms to your care team like a to-do list rather than a list of things that are pulling your body apart. You're suppose...

We can each define ambition and progress for ourselves. The goal is to work toward a world where expectations are not set by the stereotypes that hold us back, but by our personal passion, talents and interests.  -Sheryl Sandberg ------------------------------------------------------------------------- I didn't sign up for this. Who would? I think I've sat down about four different times now desperately trying to find the right words to say, to somehow come up with a metaphor or simile appropriate for how I'm feeling right now.  Long story short: I's not good. Since my last post things have been getting worse. I'm not going to go into detail because this is a public platform and I do want to retain some sort of privacy on here, but I also want to be open with everyone. Nobody talks about these things. You've read my triumphant perseverance and my unwavering faithfulness, but, my friend, the world is not all like that.  I deeply wish when people...

 I have let you see it with your eyes, but you will not cross over into it. Deut. 34:4 --------------------------------------------- Quite a long time ago God met Moses at the top of a super high mountain called Nebo. It's a funny name for a mountain, but that's beside the point. God met Moses up here to show him the land he promised to Abraham and Issac and all the descendants from then to the end of time. However, Moses would not be allowed to step foot into this promise land because God had a different plan for him. God would call Moses up to Heaven with Him on that very mountain. God is a good God so He wanted to show Moses what his people would get- the fulfillment of a promise. Moses got to see with his own eyes that promised land and all the land surrounding it, even if it was not for him, and Moses was okay with that. God led Moses out of trouble time after time, why would he object to God's plan now even if he can see the end right there in front...

And we boast  in the hope  of the glory of God.     Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings,  because we know that suffering produces perseverance;   perseverance, character; and character, hope.   And hope  does not put us to shame, because God’s love  has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit,  who has been given to us. - Romans 5: 2-5 ----------------------------------------------------- Hey all!  I wanted to update everyone. I've been trying to stay sort of vague in some posts for lots of reasons I'd rather not go in to detail about, but now I want to let people what is going on. About a year and half ago I started having some pretty severe knee pain. At the time I was killing it in the gym, going 3 or more times week and PR-ing left and right. This knee pain made all of that really difficult. I tried ice and heat, braces and knee sleeves, and doctors. They just said it was over us...

    “if you wanted to do something absolutely honest, something true, it always turned out to be a thing that had to be done alone.” ― Richard Yates   ------------------------------------------------------   I don't remember if I've written on this before.  I have spent so much of my life imaging a future with a husband, and a family, but in the end I could end up alone. You see, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being alone, in fact I quite enjoy it. If I'm bored I can do something and not worry at all how the other feels about it. I can cook whatever I want, clean whenever I want, heck I can just lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling for hours and have no second thoughts about it. I have no problem with being alone, now or in the future. I deeply believe that either way I have the power to do immeasurable things with great force and conviction with or without someone by my side. Often times my only obstacles in this life are people, p...

    "You are never just you. Everything you do webs out to reach and connect countless people. Every person you meet is touched by you in some way." -Anonymous   ------------------------------------------------------------------- I keep forgetting what day it is so I keep missing posts. my bad.   I went to the beach this week. Nothing bad can come from going to the beach, let me just make that extra clear. The beach is one of those places that brings me life and I will never stop reminding people of that. I went to the beach, but specifically the tide pools. I am an ocean nerd, that is not new information, but the tide pools at Venice Beach were by far some of the coolest ones I've ever seen. So many different creatures in the water. Anemones, fish, algae, crabs, maybe even an urchin or two living together in this tiny pool when the entire ocean in one rock behind them.     Sitting there on a rock, in a weird positi...

I'm hoping if I post this here Sony won't kill me for it. All rights belong to Sony Music Entertainment "You Are Mine" - MosaicMSC

  “The scarcity of time is the reason we have to concentrate on one thing at a time.” ― Matt Perman   -----------------------------------------------------   I think I'm good at multi-tasking, but I am really not. I mean to say that while I certainly can have many things on my plate and get them all done, it causes a very strange reaction in my body. I become overwhelmed until I make myself sit down and write out everything that I am actually doing to let my brain know that it will all be okay. Even as I write this I am doing two things.     But there's always time for a metaphor or a simile so here goes... I think of the time we have in life like a dessert. It's dry and long, but there are bits of plants, animals, rocks. Most of the plants are prickly because there is something trying to rid them of their habitat. Time is a dangerous thing because the more time we have under our belt the closer we are to being rid of...

  "Money won't keep folks from grieving, and it won't stop love from leaving. So here's my two cents: what's the use in making money." - Ben Rector   ------------------------------------     I think it's funny how worried everyone is about making money, myself included. I mean I understand that this society capitalizes off of everything and grows from human desire for more material things, but we can live without it. The world has become one giant materialist hell hole circling a ball of fire in the sky. Nothing has true value anymore. A photo never seems to mean as much unless it was taken with the nicest camera or the newest phone. We go to event just so we can post about them and bring home some sort of physical representation that we were actually there. If you couldn't take anything to a new country or place or bring anything back to prove you had gone, would you still go?   I deeply crave to disappear and not have to dea...

"On a scale of 1-0 are you happy?" - Bo Burnham --------------------------------------------------------- Happiness is one of those terms that doesn't really having a true meaning. People have depression, people have other mental conditions, people have good days and bad days. Happiness is a relative term. Something closer to euphoric (I've been pretty partial to that word lately) and cheery would be better. That being said I'm going to talk about being happy anyway and use that word regardless. I just wanted to clear things up with the word and the connotations that follow it. Happiness, my dear friends, is quite a lovely thing because you can posses it even if you're having a crummy day. I meet new people every day and always get the question "how are you." It's common courtesy to ask that, but instead of answering with "good" or "fine," I've been answering with "happy." I am in a rut. I...